I read this book when I was single before I even met Steven. Then I read it again with Steven while we were dating.
It's a great book to walk through when dealing with a consistent conflict. It normalizes the embarrassing issues and behaviors we all secretly have in our relationships.
It also sets a realistic standard for how much work it actually takes to build deep intimacy between 2 people.
The greatest takeaway I took from this book is that the greatest relationship we will have in our lives will be the hardest, and takes the most work.
It's an easy read, but deeply profound.
Gary Chapman is one of my top 10 favorite authors!
BEING 'IN LOVE' IS NOT ENOUGH
LOVE HAS 2 STAGES
'LIKE MOTHER LIKE DAUGHTER' IS NOT A MYTH
SOLVING DISAGREEMENTS WITHOUT ARGUING
APOLOGIZING IS A SIGN OF STRENGTH
FORGIVENESS IS NOT A FEELING
THE TOILETS ARE NOT SELF-CLEANING
YOU NEED A PLAN FOR HANDLING $$
SEXUAL FULFILLMENT IS NOT AUTOMATIC
YOU ARE MARRYING INTO A FAMILY
SPIRITUALITY IS NOT 'GOING TO CHURCH'
PERSONALITY INFLUENCES BEHAVIOUR
Most people spend far more time in preparation for their vocation than they do in preparation for marriage.
If the obsessive nature of the in love euphoria extended for the next twenty years, few of us would accomplish our education and vocational potential.
Forgiveness is not a feeling but a decision. It is the decision to offer grace instead of demanding justice.
Forgiveness does not remove the consequences of wrongdoing.
Forgiveness does not rebuild trust. How then is trust rebuilt? By changing your behavior.
Forgiveness does not always result in reconciliation. Forgiveness is the first step in processing hurt and restoring love.
It is my desire that you will prepare for your marriage as though it were the most important human relationship you will ever have.
I FOUND THIS PART
There is always a solution to conflicts. Two individuals who choose to be friends will find that solution.
Man is incurably religious. There are no cultures that have not developed a system of beliefs about the non-material world. [...] Our view of spirituality greatly influences the way we live our lives.
The Dead Sea and the Babbling Brook
Another area of personality differences is related to speech. Some people talk freely about everything. Other are more thoughtful, introspective, less likely to share their thoughts and feelings.
The Dead Sea is not willfully withholding information; they simply have no compulsion to share all of their thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
The Babbling Brook must understand they are not being rejected by the Dead Sea.
10 THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN BEFORE I GOT MARRIED.